halloween scare

I spent Halloween in the ER. It made for a truly scary Halloween. I started spotting on Sunday and had red spotting last night. And I freaked out. So we went to the ER. Thankfully, thankfully, the babies are ok. I have a hemorrhage between the uterus and the placenta. They say it is small and so long as it doesn't get bigger it could resolve itself. I go to my OB tomorrow for a follow up but am on bed rest for today and tomorrow.

eat, sleep, repeat

That feels like my life these days. Eating to abate hunger and nausea and sleeping, sleeping, sleeping. I am now nine weeks and got the green light from my RE to be turned over to an OB. It feels like a graduation of sorts. Congratulations, you made it through hell, here is the light at the end of your tunnel. And that light? Just as awesome as I always dreamed it would be, minus the nausea and sleepiness...

trucking forward

I am currently at 7 1/2 weeks. I am done with the weekly blood tests to monitor the change in my HcG, progesterone and estrogen levels! Yay! I had my first ultrasound this week and we found out that both embryos took so we are having twins. My husband is having a hard time wrapping his head around it. We are thrilled. I have one more appointment with my RE and then he expects to turn me over to an OB. For now I am doing any and all research on twins. Thankfully I have some good resources (between my mothers two sisters they had three sets of twins).

trying to catch reality

I am still trying to grasp the reality of it all. It seems unbelievable that after all these years my wish is finally being granted. A part of me keeps waiting for AF to come and take it all away.

I am trying to cherish every minute particularly as there is no guarantee I will ever get to experience another pregnancy. Which brings me to this comment seen on Facebook:

"frankly anyone who says they enjoy being pregnant is LYING! I'm 20 weeks and complain all the time lol! I think anyone who is pregnant gets a

free pass to complain. Sure it's a blessing, but also kind of miserable at the same time."

Reading this strengthens my resolve to not complain about pregnancy. I am so grateful to even have this opportunity and mindful that there are still so many women who are waiting for it. It is a blessing to be pregnant and anyone who has dealt with infertility understands that any kind of sickness or discomfort is a small price to pay for the ultimate dream.

bfp

Well I got the call on Saturday and they said it was a good high number, I am pregnant. It doesn't feel real to me.

The excitement of the news has been somewhat dulled by the constant reminders I get from seemingly everyone that it could still end in miscarriage. My father in law told me to be cautiously enthusiastic. Really? I have been the one who has dealt with every disappointment for the last 2+ years, do they all really think that I am the one blind to the risks? I don't need or want everyone reminding me of the possibility of miscarriage, I know it is there. If it comes to that it comes to that. I can't control it but I don't need the worse case scenario thrown at me with EVERY SINGLE conversation that I have. What ever happened to the power of positive thinking?

real or fake

I have had some lovely nausea the last couple of days, meat makes me gag. The question is this, do I feel nausea from the estradial and progesterone? Is it because I desperately want any sign that I could be pregnant? Or is it because one or both of these embryos are going to make all of my dreams come true? Less than a week until I find the answer out. Let's hope it is because of the last one though.

here we go

Two eggs fertilized, the third was not a good egg so they didn't inject it with sperm. They transferred the two fertilized embryos yesterday, one was 8 cells and the other was 11 but they said they were both progressing as they should. Now I am just taking it easy and waiting.