So my good friend AF returned in December. I am still breast feeding which made it unexpected. We are trying a little more actively to get pregnant on our own. To be honest I thought it would be less stressful this time around. The old feelings have returned in spades. The disappointment every time my period comes. The worry of missing a window. Did you know that I wanted 4+ children? I still have a hard time readjusting that dream. I remind myself constantly how lucky I am to have my 2 but then I find myself dreaming of a couple more. I want to be ok with the likely possibility that two is what I get, and how lucky that makes me. I don't want to always be wistful about the others that I didn't get. Because two is amazing.
We are saving up for another round of ivf in the likely event that trying on our own unsuccessful. Buying a house is on hold as is a second car because right now is all about babies and trying to have them while I still can.