The 0.3 test result has made me think about my future in infertility. If that test is true my time to have children is really limited. It makes me sad, I wanted 4-6 kids. Will I get 1? It makes me wonder if I should really consider my sister's offer of eggs. Which makes me wonder how I feel about using my sister's eggs. Will I look at the children and always think of them as my sister's children? I don't know. Is being genetically linked enough? Is it better to have my children be my husband's children and still be genetically linked to me or is better to adopt? I don't know how I feel about any of these questions. It makes me feel shallow to wonder if I could love them the same way, but I worry about that.
These questions make me want the 'easy' solution-enough eggs to have my own children. I don't want to have to have a serious inner-debate of adoption vs. my using my sister's eggs. Is it weird that the thought of using my sister's eggs weirds me out?
I had my last day of work today. A woman I work with was talking about how she is sure I will want to start a family in the next couple of years. I nodded my head. She continued talking about how since I am 26 I have plenty of time. All I could think was, if only you knew how little time I have.