Thursday, May 19, 2011

bi-coastal blood test

I used to wonder what could be worse than the two week wait? Now I know. Waiting for blood test results. My California Dr. wanted me to have my AMH results re-done. Apparently there is no standard on how to determine results for AMH and so she wanted me to have the test re-taken and sent to the lab she uses so she could give me an accurate reading of the test. So last week I had a travelling phlebotomist take my blood while I was on vacation in Pennsylvania, she then sent my blood to the lab in Massachusetts who will in turn send the results to the Dr. in California who should call me in Michigan with the results. This is seriously a bi-coastal test. But the wait is killing me. My last test was 0.3 as in only 0.3 away from no eggs. I am crossing my fingers that the next test will have a higher egg count. Please, please, please have a higher egg count.

The 0.3 test result has made me think about my future in infertility. If that test is true my time to have children is really limited. It makes me sad, I wanted 4-6 kids. Will I get 1? It makes me wonder if I should really consider my sister's offer of eggs. Which makes me wonder how I feel about using my sister's eggs. Will I look at the children and always think of them as my sister's children? I don't know. Is being genetically linked enough? Is it better to have my children be my husband's children and still be genetically linked to me or is better to adopt? I don't know how I feel about any of these questions. It makes me feel shallow to wonder if I could love them the same way, but I worry about that.

These questions make me want the 'easy' solution-enough eggs to have my own children. I don't want to have to have a serious inner-debate of adoption vs. my using my sister's eggs. Is it weird that the thought of using my sister's eggs weirds me out?

I had my last day of work today. A woman I work with was talking about how she is sure I will want to start a family in the next couple of years. I nodded my head. She continued talking about how since I am 26 I have plenty of time. All I could think was, if only you knew how little time I have.
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10 comments:

  1. RebeccaMay 20, 2011 at 10:31 AM

    Good luck with the new test results -- what a crazy adventure!

    These are not easy decisions at all and entirely unfair that they are things you have to think about. I hope you can find a path that gives you peace and makes you happy

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  2. CMay 21, 2011 at 8:19 AM

    I found you through ICLW. I'm sorry about your coworker's comment; some/ most people are just clueless about IF. That's very interesting to read about the lack of standards for AMH.

    Wishing you the best!

    C

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  3. A.May 21, 2011 at 12:09 PM

    Good luck with your AMH test. I am new to your blog and look forward to following your journey. Happy ICLW!

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  4. AnonymousMay 21, 2011 at 2:37 PM

    Hello from ICLW. I can relate to many of your questions--my last AMH was .1 DOR in your 20's is hard, really hard. Hoping your bloodwork looks better this time.

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  5. KristinMay 21, 2011 at 2:55 PM

    I am so sorry you are facing infertility let alone all these deep and tough questions about what approach is best. Hoping and praying you find a path that brings you peace of mind.

    ICLW #6

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  6. CorinneMay 21, 2011 at 7:16 PM

    Hello, here from ICLW. First I want to say that I am sorry for your diagnosis. I know how hard it can be. I to have DOR, and it can be such a devastating diagnosis. I too wonder about donor eggs, adoption, and other options. The bi-coastal blood test is familiar to me too. I live in Michigan and we had to send my blood to California to be tested. It was an excruciating wait. I really hope that you get some good news. i will be praying for you, and reading much more of your blog!

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  7. SoozMay 22, 2011 at 9:13 AM

    Visiting from ICLW! I hope that your AMH test is ok. I know how devastating all of these numbers are, but just keep in mind that they are only numbers and there are many, many people who have similar stats and have gone on to success.

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  8. JustHeatherMay 22, 2011 at 1:32 PM

    Stopping by for my first month of ICLW.

    I hope your blood test results come back soon and that they are better than the first time around.

    I too have found myself lately thinking about using donor eggs (from a stranger or my sister, although she doesn't know about it) or adoption. I think I could go through with the first option, but I don't know if I could go through with the 2nd option. I really want to be pregnant first and then a parent.
    Thinking of you.

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  9. CarmelaMay 23, 2011 at 11:24 AM

    Hi! Visiting from ICLW. I definitely think that waiting for your blood test, after it's been around the USA and back, comes close to being worse than the 2ww. Hang in there.

    Praying for you! I look forward to following you on this journey.

    Carmela
    #56

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  10. AnonymousMay 27, 2011 at 8:02 AM

    Hi stopping by from ICLW. I know having a low AMH can be worrisome (I have it too) but remember, it is only one test. Hopefully if you move on to IVF you will get a good antral follicle count and stim well to FSH. Good luck.

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