here we go

Two eggs fertilized, the third was not a good egg so they didn't inject it with sperm. They transferred the two fertilized embryos yesterday, one was 8 cells and the other was 11 but they said they were both progressing as they should. Now I am just taking it easy and waiting.

retrieval

I went in for retrieval this morning. There were 6-7 mature follicles but only 3 eggs. They decided to inject the sperm directly into the eggs since there were so few. Tomorrow we get the report on how they fertilize.

I am frustrated and sad at the small number of eggs but trying to remember that it could be worse. At least I got three.

I swear I can feel my ovaries swelling. It looks like I will only have 7 mature follicles. Which I guess is good considering it is still more than I have ever had, but I am disappointed that it is down from the 9-10. I have to go in again tomorrow for more blood work and an ultrasound. The doctor said that he thinks tomorrow will be the ovidrel day and Sat. we will retrieve the eggs.

hopeful in austin

I went to the Dr. yesterday. It looks like there are 9-10 follicles, he seems much happier about that. I go in again tomorrow and am anticipating retrieval later this week. The largest follicle was 15mm yesterday and my estrogen was around 1100 (although I really have no idea what that means). The nausea has been hitting hard this week and I have pretty much lost my appetite. The ultrasounds are so painful, I assume this is because my ovaries are probably larger than usual.

What I am really working on is no stress. I think I am doing well, I am just relaxing. Today I started a painting. This is so much the opposite of my other treatments when I was working full time, going to school full time and doing treatments. Hopefully the stress free zone helps.

I have ordered a calligraphy sign to be put up in our bedroom. I am making it my 'way to make it through IVF' gift. With five shots a day I think I have earned it. It is going to say 'Life is good.' This is something my Dad told me to remember last year when I was seriously struggling with infertility. Either way this ends up I want to remember that. To me is symbolizes how far we have come in this journey. If things don't end up the way we wish it will be a reminder to look for the positive.

Wish me luck with my Dr. appointment tomorrow. Hopefully we will be getting the go ahead for Ovidrel.

hopped up on 'roids

I am bright eyed and bushy tailed every morning, sometimes at 6, sometimes at 7. This is unheard of for me and I swear I ran faster yesterday.

I had my first u/s yesterday. 6 follicles and the Dr. said firmly that 'there will be more'. One way or the other this is the most I have EVER produced with any meds. Dosages stay the same and I go in on Friday for round two of blood draw and u/s.

Day 1 or 3, however you choose to look at it.

Today is my sixth anniversary. It is also the day I start my stimulants. Kind of ironic don't you think?

I am already getting bruises on my stomach and am now considering whether my thighs or love handles will make better alternatives to my stomach. Suggestions?

I had my first emotional melt down today. We were hanging pictures and my husband didn't want me to put a close up of him up on the wall. I broke down. Irrational? Yes. Welcome back hormones.

Now on to the steroids. They told me to take them right before I go to bed because steroids keep you up. Does that make sense to any one else?

I am a little worried about the side affects, I don't really know what to expect. My best friend told me about her friend who was doing IVF who was dizzy, nauseous etc., etc.

I was reading on Yahoo about young mothers which led me to a blog written by a 22 year old mother. One of the posts was about why she is grateful for her surprise pregnancy. I often wonder if I had tried to get pregnant before 24 (sounds weird right?) if that would have made any difference in my ability to have a baby. Pointless pondering. For now I remain cautiously optimistic about IVF.

adios chocolate

The Dr. says everything is looking good. He told me I have a beautiful uterus, you know you are living in an alternate reality when you have had four doctors tell you how beautiful your uterus is. Anyway, I start Lupron on Wed. and the stimulants on Sat. The Doc says I have to cut out all caffeine, which won't be that hard seeing as the only caffeine I ever have is from the occasional Diet Coke but apparently chocolate consumption must be stopped as well. This is especially sad since I made a chocolate and peanut butter mousse pie yesterday. I am taking the pie up to my brother's house to keep temptation far away...

scared shitless

I got all my meds delivered via FedEx today. One of them is administered vaginally??? The reality of the next month is hitting me and it is scary. There are a lot of shots and a lot of pills. Have I ever told you that I am terrified of shots? I think the most terrifying thing of this whole experience is the gamble. I am not a gambler but this is the biggest gamble I can imagine. It is not only the money that you are gambling but your emotions and your future. And I desperately want to win.