Friday, July 9, 2010

the beginning

Infertility sucks. Need I say more? As I have embarked on my infertile journey I have searched for information on my condition (poor ovarian reserve, high/borderline FSH levels) and have found there is next to nothing that addresses this condition in women under 35. So I started searching for books, websites, blogs, really anything that addresses infertility in your 20's. There is so little available for those of us who have these experiences during our peak fertility years.

I started trying to have children at 24. After 9 months of the same result my husband and I started looking into infertility testing. Initially many Doctor's were dismissive of me, 25 with regular periods? The answer was initially to keep trying for three months and then they would consider testing me. I pushed and had blood work and other tests completed where they discovered that my FSH was at 11, higher than it should be for someone my age. All of a sudden I was thrown into the world of infertility with few resources. A few of my friends could empathize with the clomid experience but as I move past that stage I find myself increasingly alone in an environment of fertile women. Is it that there are so few women who struggle with this in their 20's or is that we just don't talk about it?

Initially I found talking to my peers to comforting, I have tried to be very open with my experience with fertility. Unfortunately infertility tends to get darker the further you get into and few people are willing or able to delve into it with me. It is hard to try to put a continually positive spin on something that is so discouraging. It is hard to share my negative feelings with friends who have 2 children or are 2, 4, 6 months pregnant. They want to bask in their exciting new path, and who can blame them? I hate the feeling that I am continually raining on their parade, that people feel nervous to tell me that they are pregnant but the sad truth is that it's hard to hear every month that a new friend or relative is pregnant. I feel left behind.

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