A search for normalcy

All of the less aggressive treatments have failed. I have two options left, IVF and adoption. I am taking several months off all treatments to help myself reload. I had no idea how physically and emotionally testing fertility treatments would be. After spends months on the verge of tears every day, I feel like I am slightly re-claiming myself. The emotions are still there and they are still very real but I can at least control them and not feel like my life is controlled by infertility.

I have also decided it is time to change doctors. I feel really good about this decision, I need a doctor who is paying attention to my treatments and who takes time to explain any complications to me. I have been checking out fertility centers across the US and have found a couple that I am going to check out, I think this will be good to help me feel like I am still being proactive about my situation while not on treatments.

I have a hard time talking about infertility these days. I often feel the need to talk to someone about it but I have a hard time keeping it in balance with other things in my life, I don't want it to be all consuming and the only thing I can talk about. At the same time sometimes it overwhelms me with emotion and I need an outlet.

I am doing better about being able to be happy for those who are pregnant and with children, which I am proud of. At the same time I long for what they have. I have vowed over and over again if I ever do get pregnant I will not complain about it, I will celebrate the fact that I GET the chance to have that experience. I do feel that to an extent I will be able to appreciate it more because I know so well the pain associated with not being able to get pregnant and longing for it.