the two week wait

When a Dr. tells you there is a good looking follicle and that you have a 20-25% chance of conceiving naturally (over the course of a year unlike others my age which have that percentage EVERY MONTH), hopes get raised. I am in that two week waiting period where you analyze every turn of the stomach and every cramp, hoping and praying that it means that maybe this is the month. After my last treatment round I decided to take a couple of months off of charting and consistent watch for the signs of ovulation. I didn't miss the stress or the anxiety or the two week wait period.

I go running and I worry about pushing myself too hard. What if this is the month and what if pushing myself compromises that? Realistically, it probably isn't the month and running likely won't compromise anything one way or the other. I will likely be disappointed when AF comes, again. Every 28 days, as regular as a damn train schedule. Still, I can't help but hope and worry.

Maybe, hopefully, I will get to pull the pregnancy tests out of the back of the cabinet. It is a double edged sword though, because maybe, hopefully, I will get the answer I want. But maybe I will get that lame one line and have the sinking in my gut sensation. Infertility has turned me into a pessimist. I am ready for the sunny side of the rainbow.