Monday, March 7, 2011

hyper-sensitive vs. insensitive

Yesterday I was explaining our situation to a woman I know. Her immediate response? "Well adoption is a great thing and has blessed so many people we know." Yes, adoption is a great thing, something my husband and I have seriously considered. We made the decision that since my fertile years are fleeting we should pull all the stops to have biological children now.

When I was telling my husband about my frustration with her response he replied "it's like on Modern Family!" Did you see last weeks episode? Where Phil is in a salon and trying to gauge how to respond to Claire's problems and eventually discovers that all he needs to say is, "That is so hard for you, I am so sorry." The same applies to infertility. It is an awkward subject to discuss and most people feel in those situations they need to provide a positive solution. The real thing I need is support and love. I am already seeking solutions.

So when in doubt, turn to Phil's sage advice and say, "That is so hard for you, I am so sorry."


  1. SO true. I have told people I love on mutiple occasions that the only way to support me is to say that exact thing. Try to put themselves in my shoes and walk around for a while. Feel what it must be like and just let me vent.
    I have gotten advice so many times when all I wanted was someone to validate my feelings and situation. I don't want advice and suggestions. I will figure those out myself.

    Unfortunately, you keep getting that type of support unless you tell them what to do that will help you most. People just don't understand.

    Good luck on your journey and don't let people push you to adoption before you are ready or out of other options.


  2. Best response ever. I'll probably start using it myself as I have a hard time comin gup with the right thing to say when someone has a loss.

    I read your diagnosis and was floored. To be so YOUNG and fit...who could have seen that coming?? Well i hope you are able to push through the fear and the uncertainty of it all and get your baby in your arms. IF sucks. No one would argue with that. But you are bigger than a diagnosis or a prognosis. (((hug))) I wish you as much peace as you can hold on this journey.

  3. Love Modern Family and love you! If I have one more person tell me "You're still young," I will punch them in the face. I assume they are trying to make me feel better, as was the woman you know. I wonder if they realize nothing will make us feel better except a BFP and a healthy baby. I wish you the best of luck in your baby making endeavors.

  4. Isn't it amazing how everyone has the "perfect advice"? Its too bad that its not socially acceptable to smack someone in the face when they say something insensitive and thoughtless. I, too, am so tired of people asking me if I've considered adoption... as if its just that easy!

    Sending positive thoughts and vibes your way!

  5. I agree. And I love Modern Family. That was a hysterical episode.